mtarbarnes (mtarbarnes) wrote,
mtarbarnes
mtarbarnes

Im in love not just love.

I will never find anyone like him.
I felt so safe.


He asked all the time why... why do I love him,
why is he amazing, why do I think he is so wonderful.

No single person has ever shared as many of my thoughts and ideas,
interest and concerns.
No one could talk on such an intelligent level and then act so silly
and kicked back.

I dont know where I went wrong.
I cant fix that house.
I had no control given to do it.
I cant turn a home into a home without shared power.
I needed to show him all of my abilities and talents and instead
I gave him the power and let him idle it all away.
He didnt know how to take charge and handle children or even a falling down house.
He didnt know my strengths nor power to handle finances and a home.
He never saw my corsets or me even dressed to the nines to go out.


He told me how wonderful I was.
Not to worry over us, the tivo was more concern...
yet I knew I should.
I saw his eyes wandering.
His focus leaving.
How do you show someone how much more there is?

gawds Im a wreck.
I cant wrap my mind around anything.
He was always cost analysing everything.
He didnt see my boys loving him.
Didnt see the hundred they dropped for his birthday.
He didnt hear how they tried not to upset him.
Dollars and cents... how do you put a price on the constant care I gave?
The adoration and focus? The constant telling him he could do anything...
Believing in him, loving him , trying to become the other half he needed.

Money wont ever buy him happiness.
It wont buy him what is truly the most important in life...
A true friend and other half.
A life of experiences and love.
A family. A home.
It takes work.Hard work to make these things and a commitment.
He never gave the commitment.
I cant do it alone.
It takes two.

damn.
agape.
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